SHEESH. What a wild series.
3 games. All 3 were BLOW OUTS.
We were able to destroy on Friday and Sunday, while the Red Sox smacked us around on Saturday. These 3 games were like a Rocky fight.
You guys have seen the Rocky movies right? If the answer is “no”, I’m going to have to seriously re-evaulate our friendship.
Anyways, in every Rocky movie, the defense is non-existent. Like I don’t think Rocky, or any of his opponents for that matter, have ever raised their fists up to block a punch.
They resort to letting their heads take so much trauma that they should have permanent CTE by the end of each movie.
I mean, look at this shit.
But my point is that each of these excellently choreographed fights (but not really), feature one boxer beating the shit out of the other for like 5-10 seconds. Then that guy stops throwing punches, and lets the other guy wallop away for a little screen time.
This formula goes on and on throughout the match and ends with Rocky scoring some miraculous knockout.
Well, the Yankees were Rocky on this fine weekend in the Bronx. We beat the shit out of Boston on Friday, were totally powerless for the entirety of Saturday’s game vs. Chris Sale, and then, once again, turned it on to demolish David Price on Sunday night.
For, arguably, the two best teams in baseball, this series was completely and utterly WHACK. I know, describing an entire baseball series as whack is pretty damn eloquent, am I right?
Now, of course, I’m happy we won 2 out of 3. But Saturday was so damn tough to watch…so, I’ll probably just lightly gloss over it in this recap. Sound good?
Okay, let’s recap!
Friday, Game 1:
CC. THE BIG GUY.
Carsten Charles was more locked in than some nerd, like Darren Rovell, being shoved into a middle school locker. Bam. Now that’s analogy.
7 IP, 6 hits, 1 ER, 1 walk, 5 K’s.
I’ve said it time and time again, but I love the way CC was able to change his style of pitching. The man is so consistent at age 37. We know what we’re going to get when he takes the mound. Consistent. He’s like butter.
Unless it’s spoiled butter. There are those rare situations when you fuck up and buy an expired tub of butter. It happens to the best of sometimes.
Those are the days when CC is really feeling his age and he gets shelled for 5 runs in 3 innings. But this is extremely rare, keep in mind.
CC “BUTTA” Sabathia. What ya see is what ya get.
I”ll go through Friday’s offense in a little, but let me finish up with the pitchers. Since we had a massive lead, Chad Green and Chasen “The dumbest first name ever” Shreve finished off the game after CC’s stellar performance.
Alright, now we can talk offense. FUN!
Miggy “HE CONTINUES TO DÚ IT” Andújar, continues to rake. He got the offense going with a nice RBI single in the 2nd.
And after a Gleyer single in the fourth, HE DID IT AGAIN!
2-run homer for Miggy, as he continues to rake. (Yes, I know I just said that). And rake. AND RAKE.
Next up? Mr. Gregory Bird…and what does he do?
GOES BACK TO BACK.
*Cue the Drake song* By the way, Scorpion is a dope album – but I’ll save that discussion for another day.
So, back-to-back for Miggy and Greg!
Thanks, Paper Boi.
Our good friend, Aaron Judge, decided to add some salt into Boston’s wound. And I was all for it…
2-run homer. What a guy, what a guy.
Oh yeah, remember months ago when I was debating about who I would name my first-born son after? Judge or Didi?
Sorry, Sir Mariekson, but I think you have lost this competition. I’m still giving you a shot to make a comeback, but it is not looking good.
You gave a valiant effort, my friend. But Aaron “What a guy, What a guy” Judge is way too damn good.
Oh and Greg Bird? He homered at the end of the game too, to continue to add salt into Boston’s wound.
2 homer game for Greggy!
Final score resulted in an 8-1 shellacking of the fuckin Red Sox. What a game.
Unfortunately, the next day was A LOT different.
Saturday, Game 2:
Okay, can we just run through this disaster very quickly?
Seriously, who wants to relive this game? Just like that Rays nightmare last week, there aren’t a lot of positives to take out of Saturday.
Except maybe sending Sonny Gray to some toxic wasteland like the aforementioned Tampa. Or Kansas City. Or Cincinnati.
He needs a just punishment. Okay okay, I’m not fully giving up on Sonny, yet.
But I also think I have been a little too forgiving of this scrub. Usually I only use the word “scrub” when describing an opponent of ours.
But I’m sorry, Sonny. You have been a BONFIDE SCRUB. YOU CAN’T PLAY. Shut out Stephen A. Smith talking about Kwame Brown.
Sonny gave up a grand slam to Rafael Devers before I even ordered my first Yuengling at the bar. Now, granted, that bartender was taking especially long to make his way down to my area of the bar. But the point remains…Sonny gave up that grand salami REAL QUICK.
And giving a 4-run lead over to Chris goddamn Sale? That is a complete and utter death sentence. I knew we weren’t getting 4 runs on him – no shot.
Our only hope was to get his pitch count up and attack the bullpen. But that, clearly, never came to fruition.
Because we got the shut the FUCK out. Chris Sale is the real deal. (Sevy is better though. I’ll get to that in a little bit).
Yeah, I don’t feel the need to give a ton of details on this L we took.
Sonny got pulled after giving up 6 runs in 2.1 innings. Warren threw 2.2 innings of shut out ball, Gallegos gave up 3 runs, and Holder and Shreve gave up one each. 11 runs.
We lost 11-0…What the absolute fuck?! That was worse than the score we beat Boston with the night before!
Honestly, I wasn’t that mad. Still mad. But not furious or anything.
Throwing Sonny Gray out there to face Sale is never going to work well. NEVER EVER.
Okay, let’s get to Sunday – MORE FUN!
Sunday, Game 3:
WOOO. What a beatdown. The Rocky fight was completed as we destroyed these losers 11 to 1! Yeah that’s right, we dropped an 11 burger on them, right after they did it to us.
Yeah yeah, they didn’t get shut out. But who cares? We crushed them.
CY YOUNG SEVY. Give this man the fuckin’ award. It’s his. He wants it. Give it to him. Lock it up.
Okay, it’s still pretty early. But he is looking like the award winner right now…at least in my opinion.
Oh yeah, he is also a complete and total ACE. Call him Luis Ventura, Pet Detective.
6.2 IP, 2 hits, 0 R, 3 walks, 6 K’s.
Check out these stats:
Looks like an Ace/Cy Young Winner, if I’ve ever seen one. And he has 13 wins! BY JULY 1st. 20 game winner, come on!
David Price is such a scrub LMAO. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t write a note to Alex Cora saying he was sick and couldn’t pitch. Or that he had a dentist’s appointment. Or that a dog ate his homework.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised by any excuse that Price tried to come up with, just to not face off against us.
We have so much real estate in that guy’s brain, we’re going to start subleasing the extra bedrooms to make a little more cash.
We DOMINATE HIM.
Judge hit a solo homer. Then Gleyber hit a 3 run bomb. Then Hicks hit a 2 run shot. Then Kyle Higashioka, AKA Higgy, got his first career hit. A MOONSHOT off Price – does it get better than that for your first hit?
Then Hicks hit ANOTHER and, just like that, it was 8-0 in the 4th. And finally, David “The Scrub” Price’s day was done.
Thanks, David! Hope you enjoyed your stay in the Bronx! Please come back soon! Hopefully in the playoffs!
Didi had a sac fly and Neil Walker tacked on a RBI single to add to our scoring. OH…
I almost forgot!
Aaron Hicks hit his THIRD homer of the game?! Are you kidding me?!
He pulled into the McDonald’s drive thru and ordered a triple cheeseburger with a side of VICTORY FRIES. (Note: Victory fries, are just like regular fries – except they taste better after you get a win)
Call him, Mr. Triple Cheeseburger
(I honestly might start calling him this)
But for real…our boy, Hicksy, who has constantly been ridiculed and criticized, has been destroying baseballs lately. DESTROYING em.
Sorry, Mr. Met. I know those baseballs were your cousins. I’m sure Hicksy apologizes for continuing to mash the fuck out of your family members.
Aaron was the first Yankee to hit 3 homers in a game since our boy A-Rod in 2015. A-Rod was in attendance, of course, broadcasting the game for ESPN. Or Es Pin, as it is known in the biz.
Only 3 Yankees have had a triple homer game against the Sox. Tex and Lou, it is time to welcome a new member.
Sooo, that was 11 runs of scoring for our juggernaut of an offense.
In an effort to truly humiliate the Boston Red Sux, err I mean Sox, Boone let D-Rob, Dellin, and Chappie pitch, while all of this scoring was transpiring.
Was this done to really embarrass them? Or was he just trying to shake off some of their rust before they’re called upon in a pressure situation? Tough to say.
But hmmm, that might be the more likely scenario.
In all honesty, good call by Boonie to give them some practice in an easy situation.
11-1 victory. Two really fun games, and one shitty one. But we won the series against the Sox and we are back in first. So, I’ll take it.
Tonight, we start a 3 game set with the Atlanta Braves. A nice little inter-league battle. But, thankfully, we don’t have to witness one of our starting pitchers bat. That is nothing except nerve-wracking.
I will be in the Stadium tonight! To see JOHNNY LASANGA!!
LET’S GO JOHNNY
LET’S GO YANKS
Follow me on Twitter @JohnFerraro_