Bartolo Colon made his MLB debut in 1997. Gleyber Torres was three months old
Embrace Debate: Did we hit enough home runs last night? Answer: Never
Even though I answered it in the title, I’ll say it again: You can NEVER hit too many home runs!
FUN FUN FUN!
What a run we’ve been on. Minus last week’s 4 days of no baseball, there hasn’t been much to complain about in Yankeeland.
We’ve won 22/26, our record is 31-13, and we have the best record in baseball. I know, I know, I say this a lot. It is super early into the season. I’m not trying to count my chickens before they hatch… Okay, that’s a dumb saying.
Sometimes I write out sayings and phrases in these posts and then bash and criticize them a second later. Get used to it.
THE POINT IS, this team is fuckin’ legit. They are so good right now, it’s not even funny. Well actually, it is quite funny…it has been great to kick back and relax, laugh a little, and enjoy winning baseball games. It is also fantastic to taunt your friends who are fans of other teams. So yes, it is funny, but you know what I mean.
I kinda feel bad for the Texas Rangers. Key word: kinda. Is it still fun to kick a team that is already down? Uh yes. Yes it is. And this Rangers team is wayyy down.
And smacking around Bartolo Colon is pretty great too. Now, don’t get me wrong, I respect the hell out of Bartolo.
The dude is an all-timer…he’s 44, been playing since 1997, and played for 11 different teams. THIS GUY PLAYED FOR THE EXPOS.
WHO THE FUCK ARE THE EXPOS? Just kidding, I remember that hapless team from Montreal, but it has been a long time since then.
Heh, sorrey Canada! Us Americans took your second Canuck baseball team, eh? (Try and read that in a Canadian accent)
So yeah, Bartolo is the last Major Leaguer who played for the Expos – and like I said, he’s been playing since ’97. Memba ’97? Biggie’s Hypnotize was on top of the char – whoa whoa whoa.
Wow, I was about to pull a classic Darren Rovell and start listing off “fun facts of 1997.” Jeez, that would have been bad. Sorry about that guys…
Anyways, I was trying to re-iterate that Bartolo is old as hell. I call CC old sometimes, but this toad looking guy is ANCIENT.
Felt great to mash some homers off him though!
The runs started with a NEIL WALKER RBI double – anybody surprised by this? I think I need to stop saying that Neil’s nickname is “he doesn’t always walk.” Because this guy hasn’t been walking. He has been driving in runs all over the damn place! Need a RBI single or double? Call my main man Neil!
Neil, I appreciate the hell out of you. You were slumping and everybody hated you…you were like little Chris Rock.
BUT, you didn’t listen to the noise!
You dug down and started balling out. Respect.
After that? GLEYBERRRRRR. HOLY FUCK. Another 2 run homer! his kid is unrealllll
He is 21 years old and he has been playing like a seasoned veteran since he got called up. I really do not understand it. A player this young, who just broke into the League, should not be mashing everything in his sight.
But he has been….and I have no idea how…
^^^ That fact is so goddamn trippy.
Gleyber was just a cute little baby chilling in Venezuela, while Bartolo was over in LeBron’s kingdom of Cleveland, Ohio, looking super skinny. Like Gabe from The Office skinny. Oh, how the times have changed, Bartolo.
But our man Gleyber doesn’t give a shit about a 23 year age difference. He’ll crush a homer off anybody he wants, because he is the man. Seriously though, the kid is incredible.
Gallo knocked a homer off Tanaka, who was not fun, happy, and good Tanaka tonight.
Time for another HR for us! Who is it this time? NEILLLLLL!
His first homer of his Yankee career! I guess the dude is getting a little tired of all his RBI singles and double – he wanted to spice things up a little bit! Props to Neil throwing a little paprika and cinnamon into the pot!
Those were the first two seasonings that popped in my head, but I’m sure they would taste terrible if mixed together. And check out this guy’s stats in his 11 last games. Crazy change from April.
Next inning, Tanaka gave up a 3-run homer and the Rangers tied the game. God damnit, Masa. Jeez, this warm Texas air was creating a little Home Run Derby for both teams. But I wasn’t worried at this point in time.
If we we’re in a store for a homer battle (spoiler alert: we were), I’d take our guys over those Rangers scrubs any day of the week. They were just getting a little lucky there off a very subpar Tanaka.
Next inning? Aaron Judge? BOOM. CYA. 436 feet because that is what this guy does – also his 12th homer of the year? Really don’t need to say anything else about it. He needs no explanation..what a guy, what a guy.
Who adds onto the lead with a solo shot? GLEYBER?!
Last night I was trying to contain my excitement, but I was lowkey about to start dancing around the bar I was watching the game in. How is he this good?! I already went through my shock and incredulity about how amazing he has been…
Because it truly is unexplainable. But I’m just going to shut up and enjoy the show!
Giancarlo added a sac fly, while DIDI smacked a RBI double! It was his only hit of the game but I, and I think I can speak for all of you here, really hope it’s the start of a slump breakthrough. Didi is too damn good to stay this cold any longer.
Call up Michael Jordan, because it is time for a comeback, Didi!
Hicksy added a 2 run MOONSHOT in the 9th just to add to the lead and reinforce that he is out of his own slump. I think he also just wanted to rub a little more salt into the Rangers’ wounds? Again, I’m going to criticize a phrase I just used.
I think it should be altered a little bit? You know what stings a cut or wound more than salt? LEMONS. Easy.
Sooo, Hicks added a little lemon juice into the Rangers’ wounds, just for fun.
Tanaka’s final stat line was definitely pretty meh.
5 IP, 3 hits, 4 ER, 4 K’s, 3 walks…with 4 runs on the board, I would have guessed at least 8 or 9 hits if I didn’t watch the game. But he gave up all of those runs on 2 dingers, so it makes sense, obviously.
Green, D-Rob, and Holder came in to nail down the dub. These guys did fine, but it will really take some tension off the bullpen when Kahnle and Warren come back.
Like a brace takes tension off a knee.
Kahnle and Warren are the knee braces of the 2018 Yankees. We need them. Just ask Derrick Rose and Dwyane Wade.
So, yeah…pretty simple 10-5 victory. Nothing special. Call up Snoop Dogg, because this team is rolling and rolling. If you do not understand that reference, ask your parents, kid.
Let’s win the series tonight: we’ve got Germán on the bump versus future Yankee Cole Hamels?! Honestly, I hope not, but it could happen.
If it does, let’s give him a nice Yankees welcome tonight by keeping the homers flowing!
LET’S GO YANKS!
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